The FSM Quran

Chapter 1 (The Universe)

A.X.Z. This is no doubt a book with complete guidance for you. And it is the proof that it is the final and complete message for you. The universe was created by a big bang. There could have been many different possibilities for that big bang to happen. It could have happen because of many different energy photons gathered together causing the universe to start expanding. If could have happen for many other reason. But we can’t know for sure, neither can the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But we should always thank the goodness that we are here and enjoy our lives.

 

Chapter 2 (The Evolution)

The evolution of living animals and humans started happening millions of years after the big bang and many years after the earth was formed. It started with very simple micro organisms that did not have as complex structures as modern day bacteria’s. They evolved over time into more complex structures. They started growing up into bigger animals most probably in the ocean where there is large supply of water. They started growing into fish and other sea creatures. Some of them started developing neck movement, and developed legs and walked out of the ocean. They further developed into different animals and dinosaurs. Some of the dinosaur’s children developed into birds. Some other animals started to grow into modern day apes and monkeys. They later on developed into human beings while losing massive amount of body hairs. Our human bodies still have some remaining hairs and goose bumps which we don’t use anymore, but other animals which are our cousins still use them. That does prove that we do carry a lot of useless items in our body which is just a legacy of evolution, not an intelligent design.

 

Chapter 3 (The Embryology)

A human being is born after a very standard natural process. All it requires is a female egg, a male sperm, and their action with right timing. Male sperm is originated in a man’s testicle along with millions of other sperms and it is protected inside semen. When it reaches female private part, where there already is an egg waiting for it, all the millions of sperms try to race to fertilize that egg, but only one of them succeeds. Once the female egg is fertilized, it is called zygote. It goes through various stages. It also contains useless parts of the body that are useless to human beings like tail or wing of a fish, but they are there because of the evolutionary legacy. Within first three months of pregnancy, all these useless parts start to diminish, and all the regular human body organs start to grow. Millions of blood vessels are formed, and bones start to grow. In 9 full months, baby is fully formed and ready to come out of the mother’s body and be a fully functional human being.

 

Chapter 4 (Men and Women)

K.T.R. This chapter will guide you about men and women. Both men and women are formed exactly the same way. When a male sperm fertilize a female egg, a zygote is formed. At this time the gender of zygote is not defined. But later in the pregnancy the gender is defined based on the presence of X and Y chromosomes. But some babies are born without any gender. Most of the men grow up to like women and most of the women grow up to like men. They can marry each other or have committed relationship with each other based on both people’s liking. There are certain men who grow up to like other men, and there are certain women who grow up to like other women. It indeed is perfectly normal phenomenon. You should mind your own business and let them live their lives with peace. There are some people who don’t like the gender they are born in, and they like to change their gender to opposite. They are called transgender people. You also should respect their choice of their life style, but do not confuse them with regular gays and lesbians.

 

Chapter 5 (Sex)

Sex is the most amazing thing developed by Mother Nature. Mother Nature basically is nothing physical but it is the process of evolution and time that provides us things without much of the effort of human thinking. It doesn’t mean no one else is thinking, or any non-existing thing is thinking, but it is just a process done by collective efforts of atoms, cells, bacteria’s and many other micro or bigger organisms. Sex should always be done between two consenting adults who are not blood relatives or cousins. The reason why it should not be with any close relatives is because similar genes reacting with each other can cause birth defects. Sex is act that should only be done responsibly, not with multiple random strangers, because otherwise it can lead to sexually transmitted diseases, and many of them are not curable and can lead to death. But you should always avoid giving your unsolicited opinion about sex between two consenting adults. You should never kill them, nor complain about them to any other person.

 

Chapter 6 (Etiquettes)

You are born because of millions of years of evolution. That evolution also created billions of other humans and animals. Be respectful for other individuals, their opinions and their rights to live on the same planet. It is polite to say hello when you meet them, also greet them with bye when leaving. Give positive compliments to each other and avoid negative compliments. If you smile, it increases happiness in the environment, and people around you become happy. But do not smile in a sad situation where the other people around you are sad. But a few sympathetic words at that time can help and give you long term friends.

 

Chapter 7 (Mother and Father)

Your mother and father are most important people to you because they are the reason you exist in this world. In most of the cases, they do a lot of hard work for you. Your mother had to go through nine months of pregnancy and hardship to bring you to this world. Respect her for all her efforts. Your father and mother had gone through a lot of hard work in your childhood to raise you up. Always be polite with them. But when you grow over 18, you should start to become independent. Once you are independent, start making your own decisions based on what you think is right and wrong, as long as you do not forfeit the rights of any other individual human being starting from your family. Always respect your father and your mother’s thoughts and advices but do not let anybody else interfere with your own ideas about your own life.

 

Chapter 8 (Paranormal)

I swear by the flying spaghetti monster, there is no such thing as paranormal activity. There are no angels, there are no jinns. Anything that cannot be proved by science does not exist. Yes, there is a possibility of alien invasion because there are billions of planets in the universe and a lot of them are much bigger then earth, and many of them could hold life, and many might have more intelligent lives then human beings. If they can find a way to travel to earth faster and in their lifetimes, they will come here. If they do, greet them and welcome them. Try to be nice to them as much as possible, even if they try to kill you, be nice to them. They may change their hearts for the human beings and would start to love you.

 

Chapter 9 (Prayer)

You should read parts of this book day after day, little or more to keep the Flying Spaghetti Monster happy. But if you do not do that, there will be no sin for you. You should regularly go to gym and do exercise. A person with a fit body can do a lot of good things in life and can fully utilize his or her potential then a person who is not fit. Hire a personal trainer to learn how to exercise. Once learned, do it regularly.

 

Chapter 10 (Food)

Food is the greatest award to you by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. You are allowed to eat any kind of food, as long as it comes from plants or from any other source without hurting any creature that smile and have feelings. Make sure the food is approved by food safety agencies. You can drink alcohol as long as you are of legal age and you drink it responsibly. DO NOT DRINK AND DRIVE. Stay far away from people who you think you can have unprotected sex while you are drunk except if it is with your consensual partner and you have agreed to do so while both of you were not drunk. Random sex can lead to unnecessary pregnancy or sexually transmitted disease which can be fatal.

 

Chapter 11 (Birth Control)

Swear to the Flying Spaghetti Monster, if you are involved into heterosexual sexual activity; always remember it can lead to a pregnancy. Think a few times. Think a few times more. If you are not ready for bringing another life on earth, always use one or more of the approved birth control methods. If you live in over populated area, think about your fellow human beings, and do not bring another life to share the limited resources on earth. Or think about moving to a lesser populated part of the world if you want to bring more children to this world.

 

Chapter 12 (Magic)

There is no such thing as magic. No one can control your life by tying knots on a thread; neither can he do a magic spell on you by pinching needles on a lemon. These all are ancient myths which have no place in twenty first century and the time to come later. If somebody tries to tell you that magic is real, sympathize with them, because they are the ones who are uneducated who do not know the real truth.